What I Need You To Know About Caregiver Stress

(Note: Some links in this post contain affiliate links, which means I may receive a commission if you make a purchase.)

I have discovered the root of all caregiver guilt! Read on to learn why we feel it and why we shouldn’t…

I’ve written about caregiver guilt several times, because the struggle is real. Not only do we feel guilty about what we are – or are not – doing, (I should be more attentive. I should spend more time with my parents….), we even feel guilty about what we are thinking!

Spending time with Mom and Dad isn’t enough; we are supposed to enjoy every minute of it. We have told ourselves that we should be able to sit with our elderly parents and discuss their bowel movements or listen to the same complaint about the assisted living staff that we hear every Saturday week after week, and we should feel loving and happy while we do. Painting a smile on our face while screaming on the inside, isn’t good enough. Why is that? I have discovered the answer!

The Root of All Caregiver Guilt

Because THIS is what we see when we search for information on caregiving.

  • Because this is how the conversation goes about moving your parents out of their home? Let's look at brochures and smile! No one is sad. No one resists the move. This transition is super-easy.
  • When I visit my elderly mother, I wrap my arms around her neck in a loving embrace and we stay like that for hours.
  • See? I love to hug my mother. Love is all you need.
  • We just hug and hug and I don't worry about obstructing her airwaves.
  • Sometimes, I stop hugging my elderly mother so we can gaze lovingly into the future. Because the future isn't scary at all.
  • Because putting my forehead against my mother's is the ultimate sign of love and devotion. Wait, what? You don't do that. You are horrible.
  • You didn't believe me?

Ladies, this is not reality! No one is doing chokeholds and forehead taps with their aging parents. Caregiving in the real world does not look like this. You know what it looks like: yoga pants, pony tail, Vera Bradley bag...and so much screaming on the inside.

For more on managing caregiver guilt:

15 Reasons Caregivers Feel Guilt And The One Way To Overcome It

The Dos and Don’ts of Managing Caregiver Guilt

Coping With Caregiver Guilt During the Holidays

 

Share

4 comments on “What I Need You To Know About Caregiver Stress”

  1. Alana Reply

    Oh yes, it isn’t like that at all in the real world. We had to relocate my mother in law in the past year. She had to give up driving. She’s trying to adjust to major changes in her life while battling things we don’t know about – yet. It is not at all picture- pretty.

    • admin Reply

      Hang in there Alana. Hope the ridiculous pics made you smile just a little.

  2. Elizabeth - Happy Healthy Caregiver Reply

    So true! Photos of caregiving and caregivers make it look like you are having fun on a family picnic after enjoying a spa makeover and this does totally contribute to the guilt we feel. We aren’t doing ourselves any favors by pretending everything is ok and that this doesn’t often stink. Caregiving is hard…really hard. Thanks for all you do to shed the real light on the subject of being a working daughter.

    • admin Reply

      Thanks Elizabeth. That chokehold pose is everywhere. I mean c’mon!

Leave A Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *